last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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