so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
