Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
