come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
