Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't deserve a penis
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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