Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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