I must be too annoying 4 u.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
