Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
