She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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