i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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