Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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