She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
