so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
