i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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