I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
