If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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