Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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