quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
