I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone shit on the floor
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
