good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
