Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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