It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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