I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
