3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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