suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I supernannyed him into submission
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
