wakey wakey hands off snakey
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
