Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
