Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
