You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
