i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
