So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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