it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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