The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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