how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
