There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
