I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
