peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
