I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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