i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
organizing the empties. That sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
