Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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