she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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