Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
