This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
