Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
