just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
