Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
