Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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