From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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