she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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