someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
