My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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