How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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